Confidence is a funny thing that most of us will struggle with at some point in our lives, especially during those horrific teenage years. Most of us start out as super confident kids. We’re just out there dancing and singing and making art for pure enjoyment believing we must be great at it since we love it so much.

But then we hit double digits and things start to change.

If you’re like me then by middle school, you felt very unsure about yourself. My confidence started to waver in fourth grade when I became the new kid halfway through the school year. I never felt like I fit in at this new school. That feeling lasted until I graduated high school and moved away.

My younger self in middle school and high school struggled with feeling confident. I hid behind baggy sweatshirts and straightened my curly hair every morning to blend in more. I constantly compared myself to the other kids and my older sister, always feeling like I was lacking in some way.

Can you relate?

Comparison really is the thief of joy.

It wasn’t until my mid-twenties that I started to re-own who I am and feel proud to be the quirky person I am.

Read More: 33 Journal Prompts to Increase Your Self-Confidence as a Woman

I wish I could go back in time and save myself the years of feeling insecure in my appearances, my interests, my abilities, and literally almost everything else about me. I wish I could give my younger self the boost of confidence I desperately needed and the advice I could’ve used.

So, I’m doing it now. I was inspired by Grace Moser at Chasing Foxes’ article on what she would have told her younger self about fear. 

This is a love letter to my younger self. To let her know things got better and that there was nothing ever wrong with her in the first place.

Maybe some of this will resonate with your younger self. I hope this helps you to be able to give your younger self more love and compassion and move forward with confidence knowing little you is cheering you on.

1. You are just as smart, capable and creative: If I could tell my younger self one thing it would be please stop comparing yourself to others. I know this is difficult. It’s still difficult for me at times.

When I was a teenager, I always felt not smart enough or talented enough like some of my friends and my older sister. My friends were smart and athletic, my sister was valedictorian, and I felt like everyone’s confused friend. I got A’s and B’s but was not as inclined towards school as my friends and sister.

I wish I could tell my younger self that I am just as smart and creative and capable as anyone, just in my own unique way. Stop paying attention to what everyone else is good at and focus on what you’re good at.

2. Secondhand clothes are cool: In school I felt like my secondhand clothes were a stark contrast to my friends’ name brands and new clothes. My family had hit hard times, so we shopped secondhand.

I remember so clearly the day when one of my classmates said it was gross to wear secondhand clothes. I felt so ashamed and ugly.

But now I love secondhand shopping! I get the coolest clothes from my local secondhand store and for way less, heck yeah! I would like to tell my younger self not to worry about that one comment.

One day name brands will mean nothing to you, and you’ll prefer secondhand shopping, and you’ll feel completely confident in your secondhand outfits. And when people compliment your outfit, you’ll be happy to tell them what secondhand store you purchased them at. 

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3. It’s okay that you don’t fit in: Is there anything more painful as a kid than not fitting in? You feel like you’re standing on the outside looking in all the time. I always felt this way growing up.

I was a vegetarian in a very rural area. My “friends” would try to trick me into eating meat and my family said if I was hungry enough, I would eat meat. Animal welfare was a cause I believed so strongly in, but it was lonely. I often found myself trying to ride the fence to fit in with my rural peers. I was in agriculture classes and tried to sell a lamb one year at the market.

I felt like I was constantly fighting myself, but also not wanting to get ridiculed all the time. But now I fully lean into my animal loving self. I don’t care anymore what people think about it, in fact when people make rude comments about it, I just lean in even more.

 I’ve now been a vegetarian for almost 17 years. And every day I feel proud for aligning my actions with how I feel.

I would love to give my younger self a hug and tell her how proud I am of her for trying to take a stand for what she believed in and tell her it’s okay that she didn’t do it perfectly. At least she tried. She paved the way for me to be confident in my decision now and to continue helping animals.  

Read More: 33 Empowering Affirmations to Boost Self-Confidence and How to Use Them

4. Don’t stop drawing: Oh, little one, again with comparing yourself. Your doodles are good, and you don’t need to draw realistically to feel like an artist. Please don’t stop drawing or making art just because you feel like others are better at it.

Focus on your own drawings and your wild imagination. Because you have something they don’t, your creativity.

And you can take classes to develop your skillset. I took a kawaii drawing workshop, and my confidence soared afterwards. I am so much more confident not only in my drawing abilities, but also in my ability to get better at something I love.

5. Don’t stop writing: Writing was one of my great loves as a kid. But after being told numerous times how hard it is to be a writer I kind of gave up on writing thinking I would never be good enough to be a professional writer. 

Then one day I applied for a freelance writing job, and I got it! And I got hired by two local newspapers to write articles. My confidence in writing built back up over time. But I wish I never would have lost that spark in the first place because of listening to other people. 

There are many people who tell you can’t do something, but that’s just their opinion, not a fact.

Now I write all the time. I write for enjoyment, and I love it! I don’t need to be the next Pulitzer Prize winner to write. I write this blog, and I enjoy writing this blog. Are there better writers? Yes, absolutely. But I love writing my blog and I will continue to do and get better at it. I am confident in my ability to learn and grow into a better writer.

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*If you want to gain more confidence in just one week, subscribe to my newsletter to receivve your FREE copy of the 7-Day Confidence Building Workbook*

6. Being a dreamer is a beautiful thing: My wild imagination got me in trouble sometimes as a kid. I could paint a picture in my head of almost anything meaning I could talk myself into almost anything.

I could live in an RV and travel, I could own a bakery, I could buy 100 acres and have a rescue farm, I could, I could, I could.

But then I’d be overwhelmed by these dreams, or I wouldn’t know how to actually achieve the vision in my head. And when I crashed and burned after trying to chase that dream, I would beat myself up for not just settling into a “normal” job.

To be honest, I still struggle with this from time to time. However, now I am better about making plans, finding resources, and keeping myself confident and motivated.

It can be difficult when dreams don’t pan out, but that doesn’t mean we stop chasing them all together. But it is important to get specific on what dreams are the priority and worth chasing.

I only have a couple of dreams now that I actively work on and whenever I start to stray, I lovingly remind myself we can’t be stretched that thin.

Being a dreamer is a beautiful thing, but you don’t need to chase every single one. Just pick the ones that are the most important to you and follow them.

Read More: How Taking Drawing Lessons Improved My Overall Confidence

7. Talk nicer to yourself: I was my own biggest bully when I was younger. Can you relate?

I will never understand why we say horrible things to ourselves when we would never say that to someone else, but I’m guilty of it too.

I used to constantly beat myself down with my self-talk until I found affirmations and meditation. By incorporating affirmations and meditation into my daily life, my brain started to naturally replace my mean self-talk with more encouraging and supportive words.

I didn’t fully understand the power of self-talk when I was a kid. But now I know that it is one of the most powerful things and it influences almost all of my decisions and my confidence.

I work hard now to talk nicer to myself and because of this I am much more confident and resilient. Replacing negative self-talk with more loving words is one of the best things we can do for ourselves. 

8. Your nose is perfect: Raise your hand if there’s something about your body you would like to change. All of us? Yeah, I figured.

For me it’s always been my nose. It felt too big, too pointed. It’s not a cute, button nose, so I thought that meant it was ugly. I would try to make sure people didn’t look at me from the side.

When I was 23, I really wanted to get a septum piercing. But I was afraid it would make my nose look bigger, so I went to Google. I typed in “does a nose piercing make your nose look bigger?” And I will never forget what this one woman said on a Quora post: “Piercing your nose will not make it look bigger or smaller, it will make it look special and loved.”

That honestly changed my life.

I got a septum piercing that day and still have it. And anytime I see my little silver hoop I remind myself that my nose is special and loved. I wish I could tell my younger self to not worry about her nose so much, one day she will pierce it, and her confidence will transform.

If you’re that woman from Quora, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your beautiful post. (Below is the screenshot of her post – I still have it saved in my phone all these years later)

9. Your quirkiness will be why your husband loves you: To say I’m quirky is a bit of an understatement. I was often told I remind people of Luna Lovegood or as one guy told me “That weird girl from Harry Potter.” I’ve also been introduced to friends’ parents as their weird friend.

I used to feel insecure about being considered weird or odd. But as I got older, I started to take pride in my quirkiness and liked that people thought I was odd. I like the feeling of being a little unusual or unique now. 

As my confidence grew, I started to attract people who liked my weirdness, including my husband.

My sweet hubby loves my quirkiness and always says how we’re the same type of weird. We get each other. I wish I wouldn’t have felt insecure about being perceived as weird, but I’m glad I never tried to fully conform to “normal”.

I never would have ended up with the love of my life who I can be my complete weird self around. It’s always better to own your weird.

Building confidence is a journey. Not a straight path journey either. There are ups and downs and twists and turns.

My younger self deeply struggled with being confident. But now I like to think I’m someone she would be proud to be. Through her struggles I’ve learned to fully accept who I am and be confident in myself and my abilities.

I’m grateful for those years of feeling like a weird, untalented outsider. They made me a stronger person who doesn’t rely on the validation of others. So, thank you younger me. You’re beautiful and don’t ever change, except just be more confident in who you are because it’s amazing.